Monday, June 26, 2006

Guidelines for writing a good Craigslist personal ad...advice for men.

Guys, I’m going to give you a hand. I read these personal ads you write in hopes of finding that rare gem…a guy I would actually consider dating. I’ve responded to a few ads and been disappointed. I’m not bitter, and I’m not going to rant about any of that. I am going to give future posters a clue about what information really needs to go in an ad, so that they can get the right woman’s attention.

Here goes:

Remember that you are “selling” yourself, so be positive. A personal ad is not a good place to air out your bad experiences. All that tells your readers is that you are bitter, and probably not ready for a real relationship.

Give at least THREE pieces of information about yourself. I’m not talking about height, weight and hair color here. Girls really want to know if you are employed, and that you can hold down a job. Before you whine about greedy materialistic women who just want a man for the money, consider that holding down a steady job means that you have more going for you than just money…you are loyal, hardworking, and bonus points if you have an interesting job. Or maybe you went to college. Now, its nice if you have your PhD, but what we really want to know is that there is more going on in your head than the latest stats for your favorite team. If you have a quirky or fun fact about you, include that. We like knowing that a guy has a personality, and that he isn’t afraid to show it in public.

Be realistic about your expectations. I really doubt that women like Angelina Jolie would actually scan the “men for women” section of craigslist. Saying that you want a ht/wt proportionate woman actually is a turn off, because it shows how shallow you are, and that all you are really looking for is a quick romp. If that’s what you want, be honest about it. Keep in mind that if you are really looking for long term, most women who start out skinny and cute end up with a few extra pounds after a while. It happens. It also happens that you will get love handles, and lose your hair, and if you’re lucky, you will find a woman who doesn’t mind...

If you really have a shopping list of requirements for your prospective date…wow, what can I say to these guys? Get a life. The more requirements you have, the less likely you are to actually get a response. A girl will get turned off by a man who is a control freak before she even meets him.

Your pic gets mine….HAH! Girls who read this line know what that means. We know that means you want a chance to scope out the girl before you respond. It means that IF the girl is cute enough, skinny enough, etc then, and only then, will you respond. Put your picture out there, what are you afraid of? Ok, maybe you don’t want coworkers to see you. That’s fair. But don’t lay all of the risk on the woman either. At least have the courtesy to say why your picture isn’t up, and respond politely to her, even if she isn’t quite what you were looking for. Would you want to walk up to a girl out on the street and have her tell you “You are not good looking enough for me to even give you the time of day?” Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Oh, and to the guys who are married and looking for a relationship on the side, for you I have a special message. Get real! What kind of woman actually wants to step into that? You’ve already proven that you cannot be faithful. Ish. You are the pile on the sidewalk that I step around, because I don’t want the stench following me. To the girls that read these ads, I hope you know better than to touch that with a 10ft pole.

Let us now consider the use of ALL CAPS. THIS PRACTICE IS CONSIDERED SHOUTING WHEN USED ONLINE. It also means you either don't know enough about your computer to fix the problem, or you just don't care about common usage of capitalization. Either way, for using all caps you should get an all expense paid vacation back to Elementary School, so you can learn how to capitalize properly. Good luck, you already failed to learn that once.

To the person trying to pay $6K for a girlfriend for the summer: WOW! Already you have a strike against you. That first strike is telling any woman reading your ad that you want to pay them, not only to be your companion, but that for the money, you also expect intimacy. No woman should want to feel like a whore. If that is what you want, skip writing the ad, boyo. Go straight to your local hooker and explain what you want. What is that? Oh, hookers cost more than you want to spend. Cheapskate. Whining about how you "never had any kind of relationship, and have spent all of your saturday nights alone" isn't helping you. If you really want companionship, why don't you try writing an ad like this one: "I've been single too long! Ready to spend the next saturday night pleasing you." Then, go ahead and describe the ideal date. Silly boys. Try being specific instead of coy. Coy is our job. Boys aren't very good at it anyway.

2 comments:

clriafzey said...

I would just like to say that your writing skills are amazing. I have just gotten to the point were i'm willing to test the waters. Your article is a big help to all that will read it, due to the fact that it's sooo.. true. oh by the way I made the same mistakes your talking about here. Thanks for the help!myspace-clriafzey.

Ps: your hard to contact!!! yahoo!! lol

Jeremy QA Gibbens said...

I think the same advice can be applied to personals ads in general. Not that I can't be as clueless as the next guy (we all have our moments), but I've written much on the topic myself. I am constantly amazed at how utterly bumbling guys are in...well, anything related to communication with a woman. In addition to having done the online dating thing myself, I have several women friends who forward me the funniest/worst/most pathetic responses they get from guys, as well as some of the utterly god awful profiles they stumble across. I weep for humanity on a daily basis.