Liars and Cheaters

I have met my fair share. But none can compete with the man who used to call himself my boyfriend. Of course, he was boyfriend to several other girls over the six years of our relationship. So, at what point did he think that his behavior was ok? I just don't understand how you can say you love someone, while you are loving someone else? The girl who informed me has been his girlfriend for the last two years is telling me how much better she feels after talking to me. She doesn't seem to understand how every word that drops from her mouth shoots straight into me like a dagger. I now understand the term "walking wounded" so much better today than I did two days ago. It would be so much easier if the words were daggers, I would heal faster from a knife wound.

here's the real kick in the pants...he wants to stay friends with me! But a friendship based on lies is no friendship at all. Without trust, that type ( or any type really) of relationship dies off pretty quickly.

What happens when you don't water a garden? It dies.

Shackles raised

Have you ever noticed yourself stepping back when you should have stepped up? I do it all the time. I am held back by the little lurking gremlins that whisper in the sub-basement of my mind where all of my favorite neurosis are stored. They linger there, waiting for the moment I need them the least. Just when I think that I have all my little ducks swimming in a row, and can finally feel confident that things will work the way that I wish them to, I am locked in place. Unable to move. Shackled. Held prisoner by the gremlins raised on my own fears.

For example, lets look at dating. If I see a comely young (or not young) lad, can I walk up to him and tell him? Not at all! I'll content myself with watching. If you never expose yourself to failure, in that you can be successful. But then you live a hollow life, filled only with "might have beens" and "if only's".

Each fear is a link in the chain. Each failure is a key, turning the lock.
How long is your chain?